my ‘a’ level geography textbook is in my cupboard. I want to take it and read it. I want to read the newspaper. I want to read comics, lie down, and feel carefree.

I want to jump, cycle, read books. I don’t.

I want to talk about attractive people who make me do a double take. But I don’t. I can’t.

This is due to my decision. My own. Nobody but my own. I don’t like people to blame others. I think that we generally are the masters of our own faith. *fate – i meant. but an interesting typo. I think there is always the neverending debate about being masters of our own faith.

BUT. Anyhow.

this is the curse of life.

i cannot, beyond words, express how flabbergasted i am with the concept of having families and children. life is a curse.

a long time ago, i had a plan to go away. not die. although that is another plan. but i had a plan to go away.

to go away, to explore, to discover, to change, to live.

that plan is dead now. but today, i was thinking about it. and whether to revive it. it would mean making others disappointed. hurting those who care.

But, my life. I have been struggling with life since I can remember. Since I was a small little girl. I think I am not meant for what I am doing. I think I am meant for other things. Not necessarily greater, or less significant. But different things.

The life of being detached.

the older i get, the more confused i get. the younger i was, the less rational i was.
same difference? perhaps. but perhaps not.

I see so much of myself in the words of the unknown author. Reasons why I love blog-hopping and chancing upon interesting reads. I love the power of words. Coz almost everything can be explained with words effortlessly. It’s all a matter of letting the right words flow through your mind while you’re struggling to convey the knotted up feeling coming from within.

I just feel like I’m doing things that I wouldn’t exactly be doing IF the world DID end in 2012. Get what I’m saying.

I want to be a nomad. I want to be globe trotter. I want to have a few houses thrown all over the world. I want to photograph every moment worth capturing. I want to be an athlete. I want to be a musician. I want to do different things every day. I, basically, want to be free, not tied down, not worry of consequences and do everything and anything that keeps me happy. There is so much energy in my thoughts that I’m afraid every awake minute, my body will fail me sooner than I want it to.