And so my posting has become erratic basically coz I've been trying to make the best out of whatever little time I have left as a student proper, if I may say. Also, I'm trying to figure out what I actually want and who I am. I've been asking that question for a very long time. And with every passing day and thought that hits me, the answer to that question is getting morphed. Evolved if I may actually add. I mean college is supposed to be where you find yourself, what path you wanna seek and the means etc. But I guess, how it is possible to chart the rest of the 40 over years within a couple of years or even months. Coz the reality of student life ending hits you only in your last 3 weeks am I not right? I hope the pressure of being unemployed doesn't hit me soon after I'm back in the island. Though however much I'm trying to tell myself not to allow it to get into me while I take some time to think over what I actually want, I foresee myself falling into the category. I shall take it in one at a time I guess. Lemme first be done with my final 2 papers.

Despite this week's Grey's being quite hard to get through, considering the lack of drama in comparison to my GG marathon for the past week, the last part tugged a chord. The conversation between Bailey and Callie was heart wrenching. Sometimes the fear of being not good enough a parent itself keeps you away from playing the parent card. At least in my case it's valid. I always fear having had so many things to point fingers at with regards to mine; as much as I want myself not to be like them I might just end up like them. Restricting my kids for the exact activities, not trusting them enough after they have faltered once, double standards, favoritism and what not. And as such, I keep telling myself instead of becoming a bad parent I rather not be a parent at all. Which makes sense after all. But also doesn't, when you envision the road starting and ending with marriage. Though of coz the term bad parent itself is arguable. But you get the point. Ah, we'll see.