The City That Never Sleeps
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posted : November 18, 2010
Finally reached the end of the tunnel as far as materials is concerned. I hope miracles happen with respect to the cheat sheat. Apart from that, as much as I'm trying to motivate myself to give my best shot for the exams since its down to 8 more finals I'm failing. I'm always thinking how far grades are gonna get me. I was never a mugger material. And definitely, not a memory person also. I'm basically more of a numbers, practice, calculations person. I need to see logic before I buy the argument. But earlier in the midst of squeezing things in my cheat sheat, I was thinking that maybe these can actually be hardwired inside. The school and environment that I can came from just taught me that mediocre was okay. And given, I was already there, I never studied much. I just needed decent grades to get me to the next stage of education. Which could also be the reason why I did many other stupid things. Half of which I regret and wish I could undo. As well as unhurt the necessary people. So yes, back to the point. Maybe if I were in a 'better' school. More of a pressure cooker where you had to be top. Nothing but top. I might have been forced in a way to memorise chunks of content. So maybe afterall, the type of school you go to does determine how you perform. But, how far is that going to bring you is the question. So, even if I'm not gonna get 5.0 this sem or A for materials or any others, I still aspire to be successful. And my bachelor of engineering cert with just a pass with merit is not gonna stop me from getting there. I am highly ambitious and have big dreams about seeing myself getting early retirement having accumulated enough wealth by then and also getting myself featured in the invest section of Sunday Times. Yes, big dreams. Oh, pent house condo also.
On a totally different note. I'm still reeling in shock. I just hope that nothing in the years ahead can bring me to such a state when I decide to take my own life. Coz it might be a very easy, simple and immediate solution. But the void that you are leaving the rest behind, no one can express it. No other relationship of any sorts can really replace what you have once shared. And each reminder, memory is just going to come back and hit you harder even though you are told to think time heals all wounds. There are some, you will never get past. I really hope I'm strong enough to handle all that come my way. At least, become strong enough along the way. Some things are better left unspoken. While some are better to. The people who can see the insecurities right through your eyes before you can even pick the right words to explain are the ones to keep safe and close. And sometimes, you don't have to take common modules or even be in the same stream to share everything. I'm thankful for the each and everyone I have. |
look at the stars, look how they shine for you.
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