joie de vivre

posted : July 25, 2010

I think I have fully recovered from the jetlag and interesting musings of Phuket given I just woke up from a bad dream which went along the lines of parental guidance being injected in the trip. Sheesh. Phuket was definitely a much more accomplished trip versus Penang with 2 full day tours. Day 2 - white water rafting, waterfall and elephant trekking. Day 3 - phi phi island tour on a speedboat. Managed to catch a cabaret show, walk along Bangla road numerous times, jet ski in Patong beach, seafood dinner twice, catch abit of nightlife, shop and most importantly 2.5 hours of massage. Of coz the many ladyboys you walk pass that everytime you walk pass someone you begin to wonder if they have been biologically modified. Despite the many hiccups which never failed to keep us on our toes and of the coz the 'excuse me Madaam lady' which had to piss me off the first morning itself, everything else went smoothly and we had fun.

Despite you telling me this accident was one that was meant to happen in Phuket, I choose to think it was a mere coincidence after all. I've learnt that no matter how much one can prepare to face death, at that moment, the sheer seconds before it happens would possibly be the worst feeling ever. And at that point you are all alone. Recalling that sheer seconds before and after my specs got thrown off still makes me shiver down my spine for having survived it. Coz with the impact of it all, I thought I would be gone. It didn't even occur to me there were 2 fellows who would eventually come to my rescue, that I can swim and that the water is actually shallow. At that point none of which gave me strength to pull myself up and out of the water. And I had never been more relieved in my life when I saw Anitha a couple of meters away from me surfacing up coz it meant I was still alive. I always thought I can stride past even the worst fears. But now I fear a painful death coz I really do not want to go through that few seconds or milli seconds ever which makes me wonder how extreme a situation people who take their own life have been pushed to. More than anything else the amount of mental strength you need to actually force yourself to take your own life is tremendous.

And soon, its alvida.

11:50 AM