joie de vivre

posted : June 22, 2010

Surprising how one listen of Justin Bieber's 'Never say never' with Jaden Smith has already inspired me to break a leg literally.

I hate feeling immobile. Coz that's what I have been since the stroke of midnight. Really strange how it happened and what happened actually but I can't move my right foot without feeling pain. The bloody polyclinic doctor wrote my case off as a normal sprain and gave me painkillers with a pathetic 1 day MC. This is exactly why I hate going to the polyclinic. But i'm no longer under 21 to be enjoying subsidized private treatment at just 10 bucks. Well well.

Today just somehow reminded my of my netball days in commonwealth. I especially hate it when a physical condition/injury just brings me down. I always thought somehow physically I'm the most unlucky. To begin with, my flat feet condition which became so severe when I was on the verge for qualifying for my school team in sec. 1. It just made me feel so handicap when I had to wear custom made insoles specially tailor made in Australia, couldn't endure more than an hour of continuous walking. Had to wear big bulky basketball shoes as a result. Switched from netball to girl guides. Even then still was in pain during heavy marching practices. When I entered commonwealth, I knew that I was not the mugger kind of person. No matter how much I study or master, under exam conditions I don't perform to my abilities. So I thought maybe if academics is not my area of expertise, sports might just be it. But discovering that I inherited flat feet from my paternal grandparents plus condition being so bad, just killed me. I hated life at that point. It was the feeling like there was this leech permanently stuck onto me pulling me down from what I want. At that point, I just accepted my defeat and took the easier and safer options not to tire myself out so that I'd have enough energy to study when I get back home.

But somehow, I think the mind over matter mentality sunk in a bit later. I kept telling myself during my JC days. I can't go on like this very much longer. I can't choose secondary schools to accommodate my physical condition (dilemma of crescent vs commonwealth). I can't keep switching CCAs. I can't keep denying myself the opportunity to participate in sports. So even though, I was medically exempted from Physical Fitness in JC, I took it upon myself to pace my fitness practice. To break free from the problem and survive longer hours on my feet. Was a very big hurdle, battle within myself I would say. A even bigger one than making it through the 'A' levels unscathed. Gauging from how these 3 years have been to me, I would say I've kind of overcome the flat feet problem. I know longer depend on the insoles. No longer restrict my walking to suit my condition. All seemed well till today I feel handicap again. Like as though i'm 13. 13 was 9 years ago. Let it remain like a distant memory.

8:19 PM