joie de vivre

posted : June 27, 2007

I’ve got personal issues to complicated for others to come to terms with. Even bother to. I’d rather keep to myself, blast my music with a Starbucks chilled drink and a good read that makes me wanna escape away. That’s me. A reserved person.

Now that my old love seems to be standing the test against time, my shift is towards my newfound love. Will this hold and pull us through or will it break me apart. I shall see with time not looking good on my side.

Am I in need of love? All Man are supposed to yearn for support and love from each other. But does that make me someone who can’t survive without love. Yet, isn’t Man said to need love be it in any form. I dunno. I am yet again confused. Sometimes, I feel very comfortable being with myself. Just immersed in my world with my music that lifts my inner soul up. But at other times, I yearn for another flesh’s company to beside me. Just watching over me. To hold my hand and guide me through the toughest and darkest moments that may come my way. So does this make me have this constant, insatiable need to be loved. I am in doubt. Of myself. Of people around me on this stage where we are all actors as said by Shakespeare. Am I weak or am I a coward who runs away from reality. But I like escapes from life. I love myself, my thoughts, the people around me who mean something or another to me. Who don’t influence. Don’t impose. Who are not tied to me in the name of father, mother, sister, brother, aunt whatever. Just people whom can relate to me, get to know me for who I am, who actually listen without judging. Such people are very few. But there are. And I’m thankful for at least I have them to guide me through. Help me differentiate the right from the wrong in confused moments.

My life’s complicated. But do you want to join me to straighten it out. I’m in the pursuit of doing so but not sure if I would succeed though. But I have the guts. If I have the guts to love you, I have to sort my life up for a new beginning.

4:21 PM