joie de vivre

posted : December 30, 2007

I seem to have everything and yet I feel this hollowness, emptiness within me. Its like a void that is somewhere in the corner of my heart that no one has tried to fill with emotions. Just a vacant, empty space. It makes you feel incomplete wishing the right person will come by to fill up the space. And so I wait.

I was expecting the year to come to a beautiful end. But then again it was one of those things which I expected so much and turned out to be nothing special after all. Just a mundane day which made me ponder about things. Made me think about how the year went.

And so, 2007 definitely was worse than 2006. Many lows then highs. One major low would be the family. The ties, which are supposed to stay together no matter what, seem to have fallen apart. Terribly. Some friendships have lost the value they used to hold. A fair share of disappointments, heartbreaks, sorrows. Tears aplenty. All the usual arguments, fights, vulgarities sworn. The calls that were rejected in moments of anger. Everything. Were all memories. The A level results that were more than disappointing. Which gave the family another reason to point fingers at someone. The NUS application that allowed me my 3rd option. The month long absence of you amidst the roller coaster ride I was on. The on and off contacts we had. The off and on relationship periods or so I can call them. The infatuation. The endless wait which made me a fool.

A few high moments to specially pen down. My work experience that taught me so much. Opened me up to so many new feelings which I really needed. A good break away from family drama. The people from various walks of life. The flirt. The ambitious. The century mark. The problematic. The supporter. The many roles I had to play albeit being my first stint in the workforce as a 18 year old. But I’m happy I pulled through it all well. Lending a listening ear to them really made me stronger definitely and see things from a different perspective. The new friendships that were forged. The people whom I least expected sharing almost everything with are now the closest to my heart. The much awaited varsity life that ended with a BANG after just 1 semester. The freedom. The independence. The eye candy. The pasir ris kid. The engin makkals. The tls peeps. The science gang. The last row in LT 7A. The mega bites food. The hill to LT 32. The walk along the running track at 9pm after GEMS ‘lecture’. The guys. Temasek Hall. Birthday celebrations. The hyper friend. Shuttle buses. Engin bridge. Engin walkway. The Forum.

Many thanks to all the people who have been there for me to allow me to sit tight in this roller coaster ride. To the ones who went the extra mile to made me smile, even to extent of happy tears flowing down my cheeks I can’t thank you enough. To the ones who made an effort to get to know the real me. To add that difference in my life. To add another colour to my life.

A few special people at this juncture.

For being the one to have confidence in me. And keep echoing it through me during the umpteenth times I forget. For all the wake up calls. For enduring all my grumbles and whining.

For being the one who freaked me out totally yesterday. But nevertheless, being the one whom I share deep conversations with. From family to love to single hood to guys. The smiles you added.

For being the one whom I least expected would be close to. Here we are. For enduring all my jacking and insults. For being the one who can still walk with me despite me being on the line. Mind you. Really long call. For lifting me up from my lowest moments.

For being the one to make me feel so comfortable sharing everything with you despite the short span of friendship we share. For the similarities in our lives and the situations we get stuck in most of the time. For knowing my darkest secrets. For reading my expressions so well. I’m amazed. I shall, like you said, bite the bullet.

For being the one who is always there for me. Despite not being actually there. Haha. A truly remarkable 3 years we have shared. The memories I hold dear to me. The heart warming conversations. The long silences during our fights. The tears of joy. The actual tears of pain and sorrow. The struggles we overcame, to be where we are today.

I love each and every one of you. Those I mentioned and those I didn’t; but still tug a chord in my heart.

Awaiting much more from 2008. A beautiful chapter to colour my life pages with as TLS 29th comm. steps down. A better semester 2 to begin with.

6:15 PM